Life is a BITCH....!!!

Life is a BITCH....

When life decides to kick u, it kicks u badly....

Everything goes wrong when time is wrong....

Machines can never be trusted....

I was not sure about the practicality of these statements.... But in the last 2-3 days they came true with this experience.

Everybody wished me Happy New Year.... But i think somebody didn't wish me from the heart.... And coz of that i'm facing this series of nightmarish experiences....

On the New Year's day, we (read :: all the frens) were visiting each other's places.... I alongwith 3 other frens went in my car.... After going to a couple of frens, my car broke down almost.... The altinator was the problem.... (*i don't know much about the technicalities.... but talkin with the mechanic made me know about the terms at least) As it was the New Year's day, the mechanic said he'll mend the problem the day after.... I had to wait.... Now don't expect me to do that....

The next day.... my car was moving from one garage to another.... The altinator is a major part of the car's engine.... And that major part had a very minor problem.... Huh.... Wat CRAP...!!! The altinator's cut-out (*dunno wats dat....) had melted.... So i got it changed.... Then got the altinator fixed again in the car....

Then i went out wid my family for a small outing.... It wasn't even a couple of kilometers.... and the car's engine stopped working.... I called up the mechanic.... That dumb guy came after 30-odd minutes.... Tinkered with some fuses n wires.... Then he concluded that the current wasn't passing.... He made some direct connections.... And said that this temporary arrangement would work till you come back.... I said okay....

I hadn't drove more than 8-9 kilometers..... The wire he had fixed had burnt.... Now this was hell.... Life was acting like a BITCH now.... I called that dumb ass and he declined to come that far.... Instead he was instructing me to connect another wire in the same way on phone.... That wasn't possible AT ALL.... I could mess it up.... I didn't do wat he asked me to....

I thought of Plan B.... I went and got another mechanic from nearby.... That guy tried a lot with the wires for more than an hour.... He then concluded that the fuel supply had some flaw..... Huh....!!! I think these mechanics create more problems than solving them..... He called another mechanic who dealt with the fuel supply problems.... I was getting confused with these mechanics' jargons.... I called up my ex-driver who's more like a family member.... He reached there in half an hour till these guys were trying to fix the wire or fuel supply problems..... Then he came and instructed them something.... Again out of my world.... Jargon types.... I decided to avoid what they were talking.....

Another 30 minutes passed by..... It was already dark..... My mom (she doesn't eat anything after the sunset....) had to remain without food..... And i had my brain deep-fried between the technical terms and jargons..... Now it was ready to eat.... Jokes apart, i was in no mood to spend any more time on the road.... It was so very embarrassing.... People watched us while passing by and we were watching them watch us helplessly.... It was like i had spent more than half of my life on the road.... I was tired.... Damn tired....

After much bheja fry.... the car was fixed temporarily.... We returned back to home.... with an experience of a lifetime.... Now its gonna be the day of tomorrow.... Again with the mechanics and the garages....

Rightly said.... Life kicks u badly at times....

Such is life....!!!

Carrom Revisited....

First off, lemme take dis opportunity to wish y'all a very Happy Diwali n a Prosperous New Year.....

Carrom.... An indoor board game..... Quite similar to the modern-day pool.... But quite different too....

I used to play this game a lot in my childhood days.... The joy of winning.... The disappointment of losing.... And the desire to win after losing.... All those expressions and feelings came alive today when my sister's 10-year old son forced me to play with him.....

He likes the game and is sort of a champ in it..... So here we started the game.... The joy of inserting the coins in the hole..... The fighting for the queen and after that the cover..... I love it.....

I managed to win the first game by a very narrow margin..... It was a nail biting win for me..... I was overjoyed after winning the first game.....

In the next one, he gave me shock by winning the game.... Anyways we played another game.... We wanted to get the result from the best of 3.....

Dis time, i won again by a comfortable margin..... I was feelin on top of the world.... Wat crap....? I was feelin overjoyed by beatin just a 10-year old..... It wasn't just the joy, but it was like revisiting the memories of the good old days....

So there were my carrom memories revisited again today.....

Anyways hav a happy n safe Diwali.... The festival of lights.....

Back (B)log

Well guys, i know i deserve to get my butt kicked.... I know i'm not a regular in blogosphere, but i'm trying a hell lot to be in touch with you guys more often....

Recently i was going through Big B's blog (read :: Amitabh Bachchan) I liked a few lines on his blog. So I'm writing them out here.... (courtesy :: Mr Amitabh Bachchan again....)

These lines are in fact a poem, written by an African kid. This poem was nominated for 'Best Poem' for the year 2005. Here it is....

"When I born, I black.

When I grow up, I black.

When I go in sun, I black.

When I scared, I black.

When I sick, I black.

And when I die, I still black.


And you white fellas...

When you born, you pink.

When you grow up, you white.

When you go in sun, you red.

When you cold, you blue.

When you scared, you yellow.

When you sick, you green.

And when you die, you grey...


And you calling me colored ??"

I know it isn't much but still something is better than nothing. Hoping to be back on blog soon.....

Gunda-Raj

Raj Thackeray.... He has become a psycho i think.... I dunno what he's upto and what he wants to prove....

I have lived in Mumbai for years.... I liked him (read :: not supported politically) during his Shiv Sena days.... even after his 'Divorce' with his uncle and his family and his party, I was with him.... But of late, by playing the hatred card, he might have become a hero in the minds of a few extreme Marathi-manoos but overall this isn't much better than what we call 'Gunda-Raj' (*pun unintended*)

I just want to ask Mr Raj Thackerey and MNS that is Maharashtra not a part of India.... or are the 'Bhaiyas' as you guys say (read :: North Indians) are terrorists? And what do you want to prove with attacking poor and innocent people?

With this kind of DIRTY-politics, you have lost the image of a leader who fought for people.... Instead you have created a new image of a leader who fights against people and promotes hatred.... You guys are no better than terrorists.... The only difference between you people and the terrorists is that you do it in public and they do it secretly.... In my point of view, you are even worse than terrorists....

And who can guarantee that in case you succeed in your motive against the North Indians, you won't target people from other region? You are attacking the people from UP & Bihar, next on the list may be Gujaratis, Marwaris or South Indians or for that matter people from any other part of India....

You are doing exactly what Mr Mohammad Ali Jinnah did in 1947.... Creating differences in the minds of people....

Basically, I have been fed up of hearing all the negative news of late.... So I thought of writing this blog.... Otherwise I don't have any personal grudge against you....

When you are arrested, people from your party damage government and personal properties, hurt people.... What are you gonna gain from all this...?

Any Indian can reside in any part of India... Thats what the Indian Constitution says.... But I think Mr Raj Thackeray doesn't follow the Indian Costitution.... He has a Constitution of his own....

GOD SAVE INDIA....!!!!

All FALL Down....

No guys its not a "Ring-a-Ring-a-Roses" hangover..... I'm juz talkin about the economic crisis the world is facing today.... If you're thinking that I'm some sort of an economic analyst, then you're wrong..... I'm just a common man thinking about where the world economy is heading towards....

I read in the 'Business Standard' that 90% (thats NINETY PER CENT....) of the stocks in Indian Stock Markets are trading below their IPO price.... Another news making rounds is that Pakistan is on the verge of Bankruptcy.... According to a report from Pakistan's Finance Ministry, they have just 2.48 billion dollars, which can't even buy food for Pakistan more than a month......

Till now, I've only heard large MNCs getting bankrupt.... Now its the turn of countries.....

The other day, there was a furore in India (read :: sponsored by the Thackeray cousins) when the largest domestic airlines 'Jet Airways' cut down 1900 'temporary' (means :: not permanent) jobs. This issue had taken a political colour. Raj Thackeray-led MNS threatened Jet of stalling their operations if all the ex-employees were not taken back. Ultimately, Jet had to take its ex-employees back.

The Stock Market in India is suffering an all-time low.... The Sensex has reached below the 5-figures and is currently running in 4-figures.... Its the same Sensex that had reached 21000+ less than a year ago....

The investors are doomed.... Such is life....

And such is the economic recession.... The Fall... The Great Fall...

2008 will be remembered for a great great Fall....

EXCEPTIONS :

There are a few exceptions to this great fall.... One being Sachin Tendulkar.... This great Indian batsman has just reached a landmark 12000 runs in Test cricket after breaking Brian Lara's record of 11953 runs..... Another being soon-retiring-greatest-Indian-captain-ever Sourav Ganguly slamming his 16th Test ton against Australia giving a tough answer to his critics....

I just loved the statement Sachin Tendulkar gave in the press conference.... He said

"People threw stones at me. I turned them into milestones."

Exceptions are always there.... Isn't it?

101 Ways to Annoy People....

Warning :: Long Post Ahead...



1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SENSUAL MASSAGE."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a disinfectant.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal voice.

32. Utter random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and tell others that its an "eco-friendly TV".

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask customer care operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

43. Honk and wave to strangers.

44. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

45. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

46. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

47. Wear your pants backwards.

48. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

49. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

50. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

51. only type in lowercase.

52. dont use any punctuation either

53. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

54. Pay for your dinner with coins.

55. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

56. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

57. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

58. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

59. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

60. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

61. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

62. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

63. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

64. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

65. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

66. Wear a cap that says "Magnificent One."

67. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

68. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

69. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

70. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

71. Drive half a block.

72. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

73. Ask people what gender they are.

74. Lick the filling out of all the Ferrero Rocher chocolates, and place the nuts back.

75. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

76. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

77. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

78. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

79. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

80. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

81. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

82. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

83. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

84. Wear a LOT of cologne.

85. Do Not wear a cologne.

86. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

87. Sing along at the opera.

88. Mow your lawn with scissors.

89. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

90. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

91. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

92. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

93. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

94. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

95. Never make eye contact.

96. Never break eye contact.

97. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

98. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

99. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

100. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

101. Keep writing this kind of long and unneccessary posts in your blog and expect the readers to comment on it.

Enter Password.... Huh !!!!

It was just another day in my not-so-boring-yet-not-so-exciting life.... Almost three quarters of the day passed away..... Then it was time to do some work in the office.... I readily jumped in to help my office guy.... I told him i'll do it.... Coz the file was in my pendrive.... So he let me do it.... I put the pendrive into the slot and the AutoPlay started.... (*i just hate this AutoPlay... It sucks... Why do u have to tell the world what i've inserted and what the hell does it contain....)

I opened the file.... I was opening the file after a long time.... Then a dialog box popped "Enter Password".... Here i was totally stumped.... I remembered last time i had set a password for this file as it was a really important one....

And the password wasn't an easy one.... I've set it following the so-called rules.... Containing UPPERCASE and lowercase letters, a few numbers (not my birthdate or something.... Entering a birthdate is a strict NO-NO.... since its very obvious....) It also contained some special characters.... In short making it difficult for others to crack it..... But i didn't knew it would be MUCH MUCH MORE DIFFICULT for me to crack it..... Huh !!! Now here i was cursing myself for shifting from my good old same password (************...... Wat did u think.... I would write it..... Naah !!!) well coming back to me cursing myself for shifting from my good old password to some other fcuking difficult-for-others-to-crack types password directly from some rulebook.....

Then something struck in my mind.... I thought i recollected the numeral part of it..... But it was not enough.... There were still alphabets n special characters remaining..... Then i decided to try different permutations n combinations..... What else can i do.....?

So here began Mission Crack-the-Password....

I started with Salma Hayek.... Different combinations of the beauty with the numerals i cracked (I cracked??? I dunno....) i tried almost everything possible with Salma Hayek..... (don't think weird....) it turned out to be a disappointment..... Then i thought Pamela Anderson wasn't too bad either.... Again tried.... But everything in vain..... I tried everything..... Almost everything.... From Angelina Jolie to Monica Belucci to even some of the Bollywood ki filmi kaliyaan..... Nothing was working.....

After i was exhausted with all the clues i had and all the beautiful babes in the film industry, i decided to quit...... somewhere i had to........ i lost out to Mr Computer...... who turned out to be smarter than ME..... Then i dropped the idea of trying to crack the password.....

Here i was in the middle of nowhere mourning the failure of my Mission Crack-the-Password.....

This was the WORST CASE SCENARIO : Create the file again..... I hit myself on the head and shouted "NO !!!" But then i hit myself again since that was the only option i was left with....

Luckily i had a hard copy of the file.... I got a print-out when i last updated it..... So i started working out on the new file.... Disappointed at my stupidity again and again.... It took me 2 days (TWO WHOLE DAYS..... Can u imagine....) to recreate the file....

So it was my part of the story.... It was a nightmarish experience.....

All i could say after doing all this is : FCUK THE RULE BOOK AND FCUK THOSE WHO MADE THE RULES !!!

'Colitis' comes calling again....

I was planning to write birthday wishes for the biggest superstar Amitabh Bachchan..... But recieved yet another shocking news.... Amitabh Bachchan hospitalised again after he complained of abdominal pain....

Cut to October 11, 1942.... Allahabad....
A bright boy was born to poet Harivansh Rai 'Bachchan' and Teji Srivastava.....
The parents named him Amitabh.... He later came to become the undoubtedly the king of Bollywood....

Come 1982....
While the Big B was performing his stunt with Punit Issar during the shooting of 'Coolie', Punit punched Bachchan in the stomach. And the blow was so hard that the superstar was seriously injured. His fans throughout the country and the globe prayed for his well being and he recovered from the near fatal injury.

Cut to November 29, 2005....
'Colitis', technical term for severe pain in the abdomen caused by obstruction in the intestines, became famous overnight when Amitabh was admitted in Delhi's Escorts Hospital and later flown into Mumbai to be shifted to Lilawati Hospital. The scenes of fans praying in 1982 came alive again. He was operated and discharged later.

Today, October 11, 2008.....
The superstar's 66th birthday.... Family members and friends coming from all over to wish him.... Fans gathered outside to have a glimpse of the Big B on his birthday..... Amitabh complains of pain in stomach..... He's taken to the nearby Nanavati Hospital for routine check up..... X-rays are taken.... Then he's taken to Lilavati Hospital again and admitted..... 'Colitis' comes calling again....

I hope that the superstar beats 'Colitis' again....

Wishing for your speedy recovery Mr Bachchan.....

AMAR Katha

Here begins the great AMAR katha...... No no no...... this isn't the gr8 old Amar Kathayein..... This one is regarding an Indian politician hailing from Azamgarh, which is regarded as "Nursery of Terrorism"..... And the politician is Shri Amar Singh (huh!!! unneccessary respect....)

I have been closely watching Indian politics for quite sometime..... not bcoz i'm a political analyst or something, but 'coz i've been taking keen interest in it...... And lately i've been noticing that this bloody politician is playing his game..... In need of Muslim votes (Please note :: I'm not against Muslims) this guy is trying to divide India communally in the name of religion....

It happens only in India..... Really.....

This can only be seen in India.... A politician visiting homes of terror suspects..... Calling them "KIDS" (now this is really CRAP !)... defending them and hiring top notch lawyers (read :: Ram Jethmalani) to fight for the terror suspects with HIS OWN money *repeat* HIS OWN money (can u believe it????).....

Not only this he's also defaming martyrs..... He is suspecting Late Inspector M C Sharma of Delhi Police (killed in Jamia Nagar encounter).... This is really disgusting......

And above all, the government led by Mr Manmohan Singh (indirectly by Mrs Sonia Gandhi....) is not uttering a word against Mr Amar Singh...... All because he has saved the government from falling......

All I need to say is that this vote bank politics of the Samajwadi Party, Congress or whichever party is doing it, is DAMN HARMFUL for the country.....

This is the time to say

GOD SAVE INDIA !!!

Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

I liked these lines, so thought that i post it here........

Teri doli uthi,
Meri mayyat uthi,
Phool tujh par bhi barse,
Phool mujh par bhi barse,
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Tu saj gayi,
Mujhe sajaya gaya ,
Tu bhi ghar ko chali,
Main bhi ghar ko chala,
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Tu uth ke gayi,
Mujhe uthaya gaya ,
Mehfil wahan bhi thi,
Log yahan bhi the,
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Unka hasna wahan,
Inka rona yahan,
Qazi udhar bhi tha,
Maulvi idhar bhi tha,
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Do bol tere padhe,
Do bol mere padhe,
Tera nikaah padha,
Mera janaaza padha,
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Tujhe apnaya gaya ,
Mujhe dafnaya gaya.
Farq sirf itna sa thaa.....

Hope u guyz like it...

A New(s) Day.....

October 7th, 2008....
A day making a lot of news.....


The most successful captain Indian cricket team has ever had, Sourav Chandidas Ganguly, the Royal Bengal Tiger, has announced to retire from test cricket.... A cricketing era ends.... Salute to the fighter.... Hats off Dada.... I still remember the golden day of 13th July 2002.... Dada removing his jersey n fluttering it in the air in Lords during NatWest Trophy in England.... Well thats a memory now.... After this, his life took a hell lot of till date.... He would always be in news - whether he performs well or not, whether he's in the team or he's out of the team.... Whatever.... Lets hope he ends it with a memorable performance n a winning note for India against the Kangaroos.... Its the time to bid adieu to the best fighter, the most successful Indian cricket captain.....



Another news.... The much awaited one-lakh-rupees car Tata Nano, which has been in news for all the wrong reasons.... Well Tata has moved from one 'S' to another - Singur to Sanand in Gujarat.... Coincidentally its a move from one 'M' to another , in Ratan Tata's own words.... A transition from a bad 'M' (that is Mamata Banerjee) to a good 'M' (thats Mr Modi, Narendra Modi).... Mr Modi has again proved that he's well above others.... He made the last offer to the Tatas n he clinched the project.... All the other states (including those having Tata projects already n those offering Tatas even before they had planned to move out of Singur) Maharashtra, Uttarakhand, Karnataka n others were left with on words to say.... Well the Nano launch has been rescheduled to March '09....

Waiting for Nano.... And a gr8 performance by Dada....

Here i'm signing out.....

Advent of a new Blogger....

Well... to begin with.... I'm exploring new horizons int this blogging arena.... I've joined Blogger much much before writing this but couldn't find time to write a blog.... Somebody has rightly said "Better Late Than Never".... So here's a fresh beginning towards the world of blogging.....