Love Breakups Zindagi ;)

No no no.... This is NOT a review of the movie Love Breakups Zindagi. Well... To tickle your funny bones, here's a hilarious letter from an ex-lover to his ex-flame. I got it as a forward. The original writer (as mentioned in the forward) is Mr Ramvilas Jangid. Full credits to him for such a funny creation.

Read it, and have a laugh. Here it is...

डियर डिम्पू,

तुम ने डेढ़ बरस तक जो मुझ से प्यार किया, उस का शुक्रिया. आशा है, पत्र मिलने तक तुम ने नया प्रेमी पकड़ लिया होगा. उस के साथ अब डेटिंग पर भी जा रही होगी. हर प्रेमी को बहुत स्ट्रगल करना पड़ता है. मैं भी स्ट्रगल कर रहा हूँ. प्यार के ढाई आखर कमबख्त बड़े मुश्किल से पकड़ में आते हैं. मैंने भी तुम्हे मिस करने के बाद मोहल्ले की ही शीनो पर लंगर डालना शुरू कर दिया है. प्रेम का मेरा यह चौथा प्रयास है. लेकिन इन प्रयासों ने मुझे एक सीख दी है. डिम्पू, तुम तो जानती हो कि प्रेम शुरू करते ही कमबख्त लव लैटर लिखने पड़ते हैं. पता है ना, मैंने तुम्हे कितने पत्र लिखे थे? पहले के दो प्रेम प्रकरणों मेंन भी लैटरबाज़ी करनी पड़ी थी. बड़ा झंझट है प्रेम मार्ग में. इसीलिए तुम मेरे समस्त प्रेम पत्र लौटा देना. तुम्हे लिखे उन प्रेम पत्रों पर सफेदा पोतकर डिम्पू की जगह शीनो लिख दूंगा. इस से मेरी म्हणत बच जायेगी. प्लीज़, मेरे प्रेम पत्र लौटा देना, क्योंकि उन की फोटो कॉपी भी मेरे पास नहीं है.

डिम्पू, तुम मेरा वह फोटो भी वापस कर देना. तुम तो जानती हो कि वही एकमात्र फोटो ऐसी है, जिस में मैं ठीक ठाक दिखता हूँ. बड़ी कीमती है. मेरे प्रेम पत्रों के साथ मेरी वह फोटो भी भेज देना, ताकि शीनो को भेज सकूं.

और हाँ, अपने प्यार काण्ड में डेढ़ वर्ष के दौरान मेरे द्वारा किये गए खर्च का हिसाब भेज रहा हूँ. आशा है, तुम शीघ्र ही इस खर्च का भुगतान कर भरपाई करा डौगी, ताकि तुम्हे भी नए प्यार के लिए मेरी ओर से एन.ओ.सी. जारी हो सके और मैं भी नए प्यार पर खर्च करना शुरू कर सकूं. हिसाब इस प्रकार है:

चाट पकौड़ी                      895 रुपये

कोल्ड ड्रिंक्स                   2938 रुपये

स्नैक्स                          5645 रुपये

जूस                              3845 रुपये

मोबाइल फ़ोन वार्ता           2546 रुपये

पेट्रोल खर्च                      4255 रुपये

गिफ्ट                            7850 रुपये

                              --------------------

सकल योग                    30708 रुपये

                              ==============

अक्षर में : रुपये तीस हज़ार सात सौ आठ मात्र.

कृपया ये रुपये मुझे शीघ्र भेजने कि कृपा करना, ताकि मैं अपनी शीनो के प्यार में इन रुपयों को कुरबान कर सकूं. और हाँ, यदि तुम्हारे पास मेरे द्वारा दिए गए गिफ्ट पड़े हों, तो उन्हें मैं आधी कीमत पर खरीदने के लिए तैयार हूँ. तुम उन का हिसाब बना कर मेरी मूल रकम में से काट कर पुराने गिफ्टों को भी भेज देना. इस पत्र के साथ तुम्हारे पूरे चार किलो तीन सौ ग्राम वजन के प्रेम पत्रों का पुलिंदा भी संलग्न है, ताकि तुम्हे भी प्रेम पत्र लिखने में फिर से परेशानी ना उठानी पड़े. तुम्हारी वह सुन्दर फोटो भी भेज रहा हूँ, जो तुम अपने नए प्रेमी झंडामल को दे सकती हो. तुम अपना हिसाब भी बता देना. वैसे तुम्हारा खर्च तो कुछ भी नहीं आया होगा. तुम हमेशा अपना पर्स भूल जाती थी. कमबख्त प्यार में लड़कों की ही जेब ढीली होती है. खैर, बीते प्रेम पर कैसा अफ़सोस, जब नया भी पधार चुका है. आशा है, तुम मेरा हिसाब जल्दी से जल्दी साफ़ कर के मुझे नए प्यार में कूदने में मदद दोगी. तुम्हे सातवाँ प्रेम मुबारक हो.

तुम्हारा छठा पूर्व प्रेमी,

मोती.

Hope you all had a great laugh ! :)

Heart versus Brain

Current Timeline: 11th June, 2010. 4:30 am.


Location: Home. on my bed, trying to sleep...

This post needs us to go a li'l back in time...

FLASHBACK !

Timeline: 10th June, 2010. 1:45 pm.

Location: Bandra Terminus. Suryanagari Exp. Coach S8. Seat No 53.

That's where I was seated. Fifteen minutes have been passed since the scheduled departure time. And the train just started to move. The compartment I was in, was relatively empty, with just me and a 15-16 year old boy.

Within a few minutes, a couple, around 23-25 years of age, entered the compartment. It seemed that they were married just a few months ago. No husband talks so sweetly to his wife after a couple of years of marriage. ;) Jokes apart, both of them looked so much in love that they weren't even bothered about who else were there in the train.

Although I don't take much intrest in my co-passengers, I couldn't resist myself looking at the way each was caring for the other. As I had to alight at 3:15 in the morning, I thought it'd be better to rest for sometime. I rarely sleep in the train, so I got on the upper berth to give my body some rest.

After getting settled on the berth, my mind started to think about some random things. And as it is said, "Khaali dimaag shaitaan ka ghar", my thoughts were now getting focussed on issues related to heart. It seemed as if my heart has taken over my brain.

And I started to think about love. The questions that popped up in my mind included:

- Do I love someone?

- If yes, why?

- If no, what am I still waiting for?

- Am I forcing myself to fall in love or NOT fall in love with someone?

- If no, am I "GAY"???

While figuring out the answers to the endless questions raised by my heart, my brain almost stopped working. Although being numb-brained, I could very well answer the last question, and fortunately the answer was a big "NO". And before I could gather the answers for the earlier questions, there were a few more ready to be answered:

- Who's that one girl that means the most to me?

- Who's that one girl for whom I can fight with the world?

- Who's that one girl whose one smile wipes off all the sorrows and brings a smile on my face?

- Who's that one girl with whom I can be just "ME"??

- Who's that one girl whom I care about a lot?

Now I was going crazy, almost pulling my hair. Fortunately, I had shifted to upper berth and no one could see me doing that ;) I almost shouted "STOP !". The chai-wallah stopped and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. Though the order to stop was meant for my brain (or my heart that overcame my brain), I shouted so loud that it was audible almost two compartments away. I apologised to the chai-wallah and asked him to go.

But the heart and the brain continued to think over an unnecessary topic. I was helpless ! And then I started to think about all my female friends in regard to the 'love' da maamla. After going through all the options, I couldn't find anyone for whom I could say "Haan, yehi to hai wo !!"

And then out of nowhere, a girl came to my mind. She was the one for whom all the conditions stated above were true. She was the one !! My heart said instantly, "Haan, yehi to hai wo !!" By that time, my brain had started to regain its senses, and now it started to raise its questions:

- She's your friend. How can she be "THE ONE"?

- How can you think of her like this?

And I was torn between the heart and the brain. This stupid fight between the two just made me realise that I liked... err... I mean I loved someone and I was unaware of it. I was having an unexplainable feeling. Falling in love can never be expressed in words, and I was experiencing it. I had decided that as soon as I meet this girl, I am going to confess my feelings for her. I was elated to have discovered my love ! I was smiling endlessly...

Suddenly, I felt someone calling me and shaking my body. It was my co-passenger actually waking me up. REASON: I was smiling too loud, and he was suspicious of what I was doing ! So it was all a dream. Phew ! Kitna kuchh soch liya tha maine... ;)

Although it was a dream, it was beautiful enough to make me smile till I reached home and collapsed onto my bed. But sleep was no where near me. And I think I should rest this post to an end. Shaayad ab neend aa jaaye.

Waiting for another beautiful dream, I conclude this post !

CID-iots

Guys, guys and girls ! (Now that the Women's Reservation Bill has been passed in the Rajya Sabha, I'm trying to get used to 33% reservation for women...)

 

It gives me a great pleasure announcing the news that "Good For Nothin..." is foraying into a new business... And that's film making.

Yes, we're entering the showbiz ! But, before we invest our hard earned money into this very risky business, I thought of having an opinion about the script of my first film from you !

Isn't that great??? I know it is...

I grew up watching the super awesome crime show CID ! And more recently, the film 3 Idiots left a huge impact on my small mind (you can even put it in your pocket...). So, I had a thought that both of these had to be in my first film.

A few days ago, I came across a script, on Facebook, from a guy who did not want to be named. I've told him to pop up and claim credit for the story at the time of the release of the film, just as Chetan Bhagat did, so that the movie can get some free publicity. So I made a few changes to the script. I'm posting the script here. Please leave your comments on it. Whether I should go with the script or the script sucks, you can say anything. Please feel free to give suggestions, if any...

And yes, I've designed a poster too...

Here it is...

Starring : ACP Pradyumn, Daya and Abhijeet in and as CID-iots (CID + 3 Idiots)

Supporting Cast : Fredericks, Dr. Salunkhe, Vivek, Chatur, Virus aka Viru Sahastrabuddhe, etc

Script : Unknown FB guy and Ankit B. Rathod

Music : talks on with Anu Malik and Preetam. We'll finalise the one who can give us the most 'inspired' music at the cheapest rates.

Director : Ankit B. Rathod

Producer : Good For Nothin....

And, here goes the script...

* * * * * * * * * *   CID-iots  Script   -   First   Draft   * * * * * * * * * *

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP Pradyumn : OHH MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya... Campus ko achhi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

After searching the campus like a pair of buffoons, Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years ago in the campus...

Abhijeet: Sir, Maamla gadbad hai...Yaha kisi Joy Lobo naam ke student ne aatma-hatya ki thi... 4 saal pehle... Lagta hai woh aatma-hatya nahi, khoon tha... Aur shayad khooni yeh Rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!! Abhijeet, Daya... Ek kaam karo... Ye Joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikaalo... Aur usey Forensic Lab mein leke aao... Dr. Salunkhe zaroor koi naa koi baat ugalva lenge is murde aadmi se !!

Fredericks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of Joy...

And the next scene is of the Forensic Lab...

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahut jaldi laash le aaye tum... Is se kuch bulvaana mushkil hoga... Lekin tum tension mat lo... Tum Dr. Salunkhe ki lab se khaali haath wapas nahi jaaoge... Koi naa koi raaz to pata chal hi jayega...

After playing with some colour changing liquids...

Dr. Salunkhe: BOSS... Tum ne kaha is ki maut suicide se hui hai... Main kehta hoon is ka khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Ye mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!... Ye kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS... Sab kuch mumkin hai !! Ye dekho...

(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger).... To phir yeh baat humein kisi ne batayi kyun nahi??? Ek kaam karo... Uss principal ko yahaan leke aao Bureau mein... Ab kya sach hai, wohi humein batayega !!

Virus is brought to the Bureau...

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai... Maine kuch nahi kiya...

Abhijeet: Sach sach batao... Us raat campus mein kya hua tha???

Virus: Ssssir, main sssach bol raha hoon... Mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

Daya takes over and gives him a dose of his special world famous CHAMAAAT !!!

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad aa gaya... Batata hoon... Sab batata hoon !

Fredericks: (constipated look) Sir... Daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai... Is ka 'sssss' karna band ho gaya...

ACP: Fredericks... Chup raho !!

Virus: Uss raat sab logo ne Gay Party ki thi.... Sab log apni underwear mein campus mein ghoom rahe the.... Main bhi tha... Lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha... Isliye main bahut gusse mein tha... Phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya... Maine us ka helicopter dust bin mein fek diya.. To wo rote-rote apne room mein chala gaya... Aur next din hum ne dekha to uska murder ho gaya tha... Lekin aap please ye baat kisi se boliye mat... College ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: Hum kisi ko nahi batayenge... Tum humare saath co-operate karo...

Virus leaves...

ACP: Yahaan kuch to gadbad hai Daya.... Aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus mein khoon ho gaya aur kisi ne CID ko bulaya hi nahi?? Apna publicity ka kharcha badha do....

Abhijeet: Sir, ye college mein padhe-likhe log hain... Shayad in logo ko pata hai ki pehle Police ko bulaana chahiye, CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur ye kaise hua ki khooni campus mein aa gaya.... Aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal bhi gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad ye bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: Haan Vivek... Kuchh bhi ho sakta hai... Kuchh bhi... (shaking his finger)... Ek kaam karo Abhijeet... Phir se campus mein chalte hain... Aur achhi tarah se check karte hain... Yahaan daal mein zaroor kuchh kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: Sir, daal mein kaala nahi, poori daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

They reach the campus in their old faithful Toyota Qualis which changes colour every episode... But the number plate is still the same... And Daya slams the breaks...

SCCRREEEECH !!

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum poora campus CHECK KARO.... Daya ,tum is campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO....!! Fredericks, tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo... Aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hoon.... Chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

After checking the campus...

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aaiye.... Ye dekho.... Ye ek Chatur Ramalingam naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir... Is mein likha hai ki wo aur Rancho ek doosre ke dushman the... Aur wo Rancho se badla lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)... OHH MY GODD !!! Ab ye Chatur kaun hai...?? Aur iske room se itni badbu kyun aa rahi hai...?? Good work Vivek...! Is evidence ko forensic lab le jao !

Abhijeet: Haaiinn !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai... Shayad is Chatur ne hi Joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! Aur Rancho kahaan gaya, ye bhi usey hi pata hoga !!

ACP: To bulao is Chatur ko Bureau mein... Is se hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

Chatur in interrogation...

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !! Main us ke baare mein kuchh nahi jaanti....

Abhijeet: Dekho... Sach sach bataao !! Humein tumhari ye diary mili hai... Wo bhi tumhare room se... Ye diary to pehchante ho naa tum?? Is mein saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhe Rancho se jalan thi...

Chatur : (over-acting)... Ye diary meri hi hai... Mujhe nahi pata hai sir ye Rancho keedar hai !! Maine kuchh bhi nahi kiye hai... Please believe me sir... I'm innocent....

Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins...

Chatur: (crying with one hand on his cheek) Haan haan... Maine hi khoon kiya tha Joy ka... Kyunki us ne Mechanical Helicopter banaya tha project mein... Aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha.... *sob sob* Lekin phir woh Rancho aa gaye... Us ne mujhe dekh liye the... Isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya...

ACP: Waah... Kya plan banaya tha... Lekin afsos... Tum CID ke saamne kaamyaab nahi ho paaye... Ab banaate rehna plan... JAIL me... Tumhe to FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Ek Mulaqaat

एक दिन मुझे एक सपना आया. वैसे तो मुझे सपने आते ही नहीं, लेकिन न जाने ये सपना कहाँ से भूले भटके आ गया. खैर, अब आ ही गया, तो देख भी लिया. वैसे अगर मैं अपना ये सपना बयाँ ना ही करुँ तो ठीक रहेगा, क्यों कि इस सपने में जीवन की जो कडवी हकीकत मैंने देखी है, वो शायद ही कोई देखना चाहेगा.

तो सपने में हुआ यूँ, कि एक 20-22 साल का लड़का - वो अब लड़का नहीं था, केवल एक शरीर था. यानी वो लड़का अब मर चुका था. वो रात में नींद में ऐसा सोया कि फिर जागा ही नहीं. घर वाले, दोस्त, रिश्तेदार, पडोसी, जान-पहचान वाले - लगभग सभी की आँखें नम थी. सब भगवान की निष्ठुरता को कोस रहे थे. इतनी छोटी उमर में अपने पास बुला कर भगवान की क्रूरता साफ़ झलक रही थी. सब लोग उस लड़के के साथ बिताए पलों को याद कर रहे थे. उसकी तारीफ किये जा रहे थे. लोगों को काफी उम्मीदें थी इस से.

उस लड़के की आत्मा ये सब देख रही थी. शायद यमराज कहीं ट्राफिक  में फंस गए थे. उसके प्राण तो यमराज ने शायद ऑनलाइन ही हर लिए थे लेकिन डिलीवरी लेने तो उन्हें खुद ही आना था. क्यों कि यमलोक की टेक्नोलोजी पृथ्वी से कुछ 10-15 साल पीछे थी. वहां इ-बे (e-bay) जैसा कुछ इजाद नहीं हुआ था. और पृथ्वी के कोरियर वाले भी यमलोक में डिलीवरी नहीं देते थे.

उस लड़के की रूह अन्दर ही अन्दर घुटे जा रही थी. उससे उसके घरवालों और दोस्तों का दर्द देखा नहीं जा रहा था. और कुछ लोगों का बनावटी दुख देख के उन्हें भी साथ में यमलोक ले जाने की इच्छा हो रही थी. अब तक दुख जताने वालों की भीड़ काफी बढ़ चुकी थी. दूसरी तरफ कुछ लोग उसकी लाश को अंतिम संस्कार के लिए जल्दी ले जाने को कह रहे थे. भई, अब ऐसा ही होता है. किसी के पास टाइम नहीं है. बन्दा मरा नहीं कि जल्दी उसे जला आने की होती है.

यहाँ चर्चा चल ही रही थी कि अचानक एक बेहद खूबसूरत परी जैसी लड़की रोती हुई भीड़ को चीर कर अन्दर आती है. उसके चेहरे पर तो जैसे आंसुओं की धार बह रही हो. उसके मुंह से सिर्फ सिसकियाँ ही निकल रही है. शब्दों का तो जैसे अकाल पड़ गया हो. खूबसूरत इतनी कि जैसे कोई अप्सरा हो. बेदाग़ चेहरा जैसे दूध से धुला हो. रोते हुए भी वो इतनी सुन्दर लग रही थी, हँसते हुए तो वो ग़ज़ब ही ढाती होगी.

वहां मौजूद सभी लोग हैरान थे कि ये लड़की इतना क्यों रो रही है? इसे इतना दुख क्यों हो रहा है? फिर जितने मुंह उतनी बातें. तरह तरह से लोग आकलन करने लगे. तरह तरह की बातें होने लगी. लोग अपनी ही कहानियां बनाने में मशगूल हो गए. चंद मिनट पहले जो लोग उस लड़के की तारीफों के पुल बाँध रहे थे, अब वो ही लोग उस लड़के और लड़की के चरित्र पर उंगलियाँ उठा रहे थे. कुछ लोग तो ऐसे मौके का मज़ा लूटने में लग गए. कुछ लोग तो यहाँ तक कहने लगे कि लड़के के कैरेक्टर पर पहले से ही शक था.

वह लड़का वहीँ पास में बैठा यमराज का इंतज़ार करते हुए ये सब नज़ारा देख रहा था. एक तरफ तो उसे उन लोगों पे गुस्सा आ रहा था. मन तो कर रहा था कि जा के एक एक के गाल पर तमाचा जड़ दे, लेकिन ये उसके बस के बाहर था. दूसरी तरफ उस लड़की को देख कर उससे उसका दुख भी सहन नहीं हो रहा था. पर वो करे तो क्या करे?

खैर, लड़के के घरवालों के पूछने पर वो लड़की रोते हुए बहुत धीरे से बोली, "ये लड़का मुझसे बहुत प्यार करता था. शायद मेरे नसीब में ख़ुशी लिखी ही नहीं है."

इतना सुनना था कि घर में कोहराम मच गया. उसके घरवालों को तो जैसे सांप ही सूंघ गया हो. ये सच्चाई उस लड़के के दोस्तों से छिपी नहीं थी, लेकिन ऐसे नाज़ुक मौके पर सबने चुप रहना ही मुनासिब समझा. किसी में इतनी हिम्मत नहीं थी कि जा के उस लड़की का साथ दे.

लड़के के घरवाले अपनी इज्ज़त के डर से कहने लगे, "ये लड़की झूठ बोल रही है. सरासर गलत इलज़ाम लगा रही है." लेकिन उस लड़की के आंसू तो झूठे नहीं थे. उसे कैसे झुठलाते सब लोग?

अब तो वहां ज़बरदस्त तमाशा खड़ा हो गया था - बिलकुल वैसे ही जैसे एकता कपूर के सीरियल में होता है. अब तक लोग काफी तरह की बातें बनाकर उस लड़की को ज़लील कर चुके थे.

थोड़ी देर बाद कुछ हिम्मत जुटा कर वो लड़की बोली, "अभी कुछ ही दिन पहले इसने मुझसे अपने प्यार का इज़हार किया था. पर मैं नादान उसे सिर्फ दोस्ती समझती रही. लेकिन आज मुझे अपनी उस भूल का एहसास हो रहा था. मुझे भी लगा कि मैं भी इससे प्यार करती हूँ. आज मैं भी इससे अपने दिल कि बात कहने ही वाली थी. लेकिन भगवान से मेरी ख़ुशी बर्दाश्त नहीं हुई." रोते रोते इतना कह कर वो बेहोश हो गयी.

लोग फिर आपस में कानाफूसी करने में लग गए. इतने में यमराज भी आ गए. लड़के को लगा कि अब तो उसे जाना ही होगा. इधर, यमराज बड़े चिढ़े हुए थे, कह रहे थे, "लगता है ये चित्रगुप्त भी अब बूढा हो गया है. न जाने कौन सा पता दे दिया. वहाँ तो कोई मरा ही नहीं है. और मातम तो यहाँ हो रहा है."

फिर हाथ में एक फोटो लिए किसी को ढूँढने में लग गए. फोटो वाले चेहरे से न जाने किसका चेहरा मिलाने की कोशिश कर रहे थे. वो लड़का अब उठ के यमराज के पास आया और बोला, "यमराज जी, चलिए. मुझसे अब और बर्दाश्त नहीं होता."

यमराज चौंककर बोले, "ओ हैलो ! कहाँ चलो? बड़ी जल्दी हो रही है तुम्हे." लड़का कुछ भी कहने की स्थिति में नहीं था. वो सिर्फ हाथ जोड़ कर चलने का इशारा करने लगा.

तभी एकाएक यमराज को ख़याल आया. ये लड़का कोई जीवित इंसान नहीं है. क्यों कि जीवित इंसान यमराज को नहीं देख सकते. यानी ये लड़का नहीं बल्कि कोई आत्मा है. अब तक यमराज लगभग पूरा वाकया समझ चुके थे.

साइड में जा कर उन्होंने फटाफट  चित्रगुप्त को कॉल किया. पहले तो चार-पांच गालियाँ दी. फिर बोले, "अबे ओ चित्रगुप्त ! तुमने या तो फोटो गलत दिया है या पता. जल्दी से चेक कर के बताओ किसको लाना है."

दो मिनट बाद चित्रगुप्त बोला, "यमराज ! आपके पास जो पता है वो भी सही है और फोटो भी. वो ऑनलाइन प्राण हरने में मुझसे एक छोटी सी भूल हो गयी है. गलत आदमी के प्राण हर लिए है मैंने. मैं अभी इसे अन-डू (undo) करता हूँ."

यमराज तैश में आ कर बोले, "जब तुम्हे पता है तुम्हें जल्दी चढ़ जाती है तो कम पीनी चाहिए ना. पार्टी में मुफ्त में मिली तो इसका मतलब ये नहीं कि पीते रहो. कोई लिमिट तो होनी चाहिए."

फिर फोन रख कर यमराज उस लड़के के पास गए और बोले, "गलती के लिए क्षमा चाहता हूँ. वो चित्रगुप्त ने नशे में गलती से तुम्हारे प्राण हर लिए. इस भूल के लिए मैं तहेदिल से माफ़ी मांगता हूँ और तुम्हारे प्राण भी तुम्हारे शरीर में वापस डाल देता हूँ."

अब गुस्सा होने कि बारी उस लड़के की थी. वो बोला, "लेकिन ये जो मुफ्त का तमाशा हो गया वो? उसे कौन ठीक करेगा? इस लड़की की इज्ज़त की तो धज्जियाँ उड़ गयी न. उसका क्या?" इच्छा तो हो रही थी कि यमराज को कोर्ट में घसीट ले और घोर लापरवाही और मानहानि का दावा ठोंक ले. लेकिन पृथ्वी लोक कि अदालतों में यमराज पर केस नहीं होते.

यमराज बोले, "अपनी इस गलती का प्रायश्चित करने के लिए मैं इतना कर सकता हूँ कि मैं जीवन चक्र को चार घंटे पीछे कर देता हूँ."

इस पर वो लड़का बोला, "लेकिन एक शर्त है यमराज जी. ये जो कुछ भी हुआ, मुझे सब याद रहना चाहिए."

यमराज बोले, "तथास्तु !" और गायब हो गए.

इसी के साथ सारा ताम-झाम भी गायब हो गया. वो लड़का अपने बिस्तर पर सो रहा था. कुछ देर से उसकी नींद खुली. काफी खुश था वो. आखिर आज उसे अपना प्यार जो मिलने वाला था. उसके चेहरे पर एक अलग ही तरह की चमक थी. वो उठा और तैयार होने चला गया... अपने जीवन की एक हसीन मुलाक़ात के लिए...

Marwaris = Smart !

While surfing through some random blogs, I came across this story of a Marwari salesman. I, being a Marwari myself, couldn't refrain myself from reading it. I loved it sooooo much. Read it and know how good Marwaris are at business !

A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman’s job at London’s premier downtown departmental store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes sir, I was a salesman in Rajasthan in India", replied the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said,

"You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,

"How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.

"Only one sale?" blurted the boss.

"No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you’d better be doing better than just one sale. By the way how much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand three hundred and thirty four pounds", said the young Marwari.

"What? How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he’d be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he’ll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we’re at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No." answered the salesman, "He came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend is screwed anyway; you might as well go fishing."

So, this is what being Marwari is... I'm proud to be a Marwari ! Kasam se....

A kiss forever!! -Part 3 of 3

PART 3 OF 3

The Truth...

He answered in his sweet musical voice...

“Nothing went wrong. I wanted to go away from there. I wanted to change my life. I was missing an important part of my life.”
I felt a hard pinch and my stomach churned.
“It isn’t convincing enough…” I muttered, “Still, who is the bride?” I asked.
He smirked and then laughed and he didn’t laugh alone. Only then did I notice that all our friends were present there. What cheaters I thought. I waited as he was about to answer. I wanted to know what was so funny.

“The bride is YOU!!”
I was shocked… I felt weak at knees… I stumbled and he took me in his arms.
“I missed you… I wanted to stay with you… every morning when I wake up, the first thing I want to do is see you…”
“But you said you didn’t want to be there anymore?” I interrupted.
He answered with a warm smile.
“Yes I didn’t want to be there in that place anymore. I wanted to come here and get married to you. You wanted it here right?”
I was starting to believe it. I finally gained balance and hugged him hard. I cursed him for putting me through all that.
I realized that I was dressed in rags compared to all others who looked like movie stars. He probably read my expression and said, “Don’t worry; we have a change for you. Everything is ready. You just have to go and come back and be mine forever.”
Those of whom I thought as cheaters and had sided with him were the ones who had help arrange all this. I was taken to the hotel room where a hair-dresser, a make-up artist and my stylist were all ready to work on me. I pitied the hair dresser as my hair were bad than the worst, they required a lot of mending. My face was still better. With just a scrub and a cleanser I looked reasonably fresh.
I took a hot water bath and then sat on the recliner and rested my head on the pillow. I slept while the three ladies played their role to make me look special for the most special day in my life… for the most special person of my life. I had something to eat while the hair dresser still tried to straighten the strands.
When all was done I dressed in my white satin wedding gown and with flowers in my hand I entered the hall. My best friend was my best man today who escorted me through the aisle. The priest chanted the usual and announced us wedded which was to be followed by a kiss which would seal the relationship and before our lips could meet he whispered in my ear…
“It’s the day when you are dressed like an angel… today you look the most beautiful, alluring all the words which describe the beauty of a woman. I want to kiss you till the end of life.”

A kiss forever- Part 2 of 3

PART 2 OF 3

The Big Blow

I dialed his number for the umpteenth time and...
“Hello?” came his sweet voice finally. I somehow managed a faint greeting which I could not hear but I was positive he recognized me. After 5 years of togetherness he could not have not recognized me. I asked him where he was and what was all this about but I did not get a reply. It was only then that I realized that all these questions were in my head and I needed to find my voice. I asked and then remained stunned when he said that he was getting married in St. Paul’s church tomorrow. St. Paul’s church!! How could I forget that place? It was there where I wanted to marry him and he knew it. How mean of him to do this to me… to leave me like that and get married to someone else in the very place where I wanted to take our relationship to the next level… where we would have created a permanent and stronger bond. It was the most brutal way of breaking someone’s heart.
NO!! I wasn’t letting this happen without contenting myself with a reasonable excuse of being left like that… not until he convinced me that I deserved it (I knew this would never happen… because I would never let him go to someone else).
I decided to go to St. Paul’s straightaway. It meant a 6 hour drive. I then realized how far I had come in search of him. I took a cab and next thing I knew was that I was standing right in front of the St. Paul’s church. I wasn’t embarrassed in going in, in 3 days old attire, a haystack for my hair and bruises on my body and my clothes brown with dirt. Knowing him and his contacts and rich and famous that he was, this should’ve been a grand affair. Holy shit!! If this was a grand affair, this was being planned for quite long now. I shook my head and thought to myself that it didn’t matter. I just strode across the road and stomped past the doors of the church and bang!! He was standing right in front of me in the best suit ever… looking handsome. My anguish seemed to fade away. I gasped and then reminded myself what I was here for.
I ran to him and asked what was all this about and why? What had gone wrong? He answered in his sweet musical voice.

Well even we are waiting for his answer!!

To be continued on thursday 19 th november!!

A kiss forever! - Part 1 of 3

Hello everybody!! Following is a short story i had managed during lectures. It's my first try at something like this.

PART 1OF 3

The Search..

‘Stand with me, hold me in your arms’, were the words stuck in my throat as voice refused to come out. All I could manage was a feeble scream that did not hit my ear drums. All I knew and all my mind could decipher amidst all confusion were hi last words.
I shuddered at the thought and yet again someone pressed the rewind button and then play… For a moment everything was hazy and then again those words. My eyes burned and my head spun. I could not find my hands to wipe the tears on my cheeks. I lost the sense of the world. I could not feel the pain when the door closed on my fingers and hot blood gushing from my nails gave me warmth as my body … my soul was cold. My stomach let out loud groans which had nothing to do with the hunger of not having eaten for the past two days!!
Yes two days had passed, I realized, since the phone rang and I had foreseen my world coming crashing down. I wanted to stand right below it and catch it before the glass shattered. Someone rewinded the tape to that point when I received a call at 3.30 am on Monday. Now starts the flashback.
I picked up the phone and put it on my ear, half cursing the person who had called up and then my eyes turned twice their normal size... my ears alert like a dog’s and my heart racing with no competitor. I heard the words,

“this is my last call to u before I go. I don’t want to be there anymore. Good bye and take care.”
I sat still for 15 minutes trying to unscramble what I heard. A shiver ran down my spine. I understood the last had cum but why? I deserved a reason and more than that I needed to save this. I jumped out of the bed and changed into…whatever (it didn’t really matter). I took all the money I had because I didn’t know where was the end of the search that will now begin.
I took a cab and headed towards the house behind the old mill…found nothing. I searched in the office… no relief to my eyes yet. I took the cab to the pub we often visited but of no avail. The cabbie refused to go any further as we almost circled across the town... I jumped out of the cab and half ran towards… well I didn’t know where. I reached station and took a train and got down at the last stop. I ran… my heart raced faster. What if I could not find what I came looking for? I decided I dint have time to think and straight went to the art gallery where his exhibitions were usually held. I slipped and tripped many times. It was raining cats and dogs and I had forgotten my overcoat. The only benefit of the down pour was that, people who thought that I had been bit by a mad dog could not see that I was crying, the fact being that even I did not realize it earlier.
I reached the gallery but it didn’t do any good. I searched in all the malls, departmental stores that I passed by. I also visited all the exhibitions scheduled for that day in the town hoping to see him in his 3-piece Raymond’s suit attending to the visitors. But, well as I said I was just hoping… the bubble kept bursting and a new one would ooze out every time I headed towards a new destination. Well I could have set a record and got myself entered into the Guiness Book for the optimism I showed.
I used cabs to move across the town. Some cabbies refused as I was all wet and some might have thought that I was some crazy woman who escaped from an asylum, given my hairdo. As if I cared!!
I don’t know why I was running around, looking for something (someone) who still had an option of rejecting me and after that, all of this running, starving and crying would be a waste. But I knew one thing, whatever may be the reason I was sure and positive about not letting my world come to hit a dead end. I’ll do whatever it takes.
Reality hit me hard when I realized an officer was calling on me for I was standing in the middle of the street when the signal was green. I apologized and my hunt began. I was already getting depressed as another day was coming to an end with no success. I shook my head and encouraged my self by thinking that I still had time. I went to the restaurants we often dined in, the cafes and the music stores that we usually visited, but no… I still had to try harder. Then something dawned upon me and I looked for my cell phone. I dialed his number for the umpteenth time and...

(Part2)will be continued on tuesday,17th november!!