Complaints, Excuses And More !

Well, I know, most of my readers don't even care that a blogger named Ankit B. Rathod ever existed. A lot of them might have wiped out Good For Nothin' out of their memories. But, but, but... I'm a phoenix, who rises from its own ashes (for those who need a citation, click here). I will always come back from a sabbatical, like this.

Actually, kabhi kabhi mujhe achanak se bhoot chadh jaata hai blog likhne ka. And probably, that's the reason why I can't give up blogging completely despite being busier than an Ambani. :P

Being very less frequent on the bloggerdom is my only weakness. And this time, seriously I'm working on to overcome it. My last post was on Nov 26, 2011 and today is Mar 07, 2012. That's exactly 3 months 10 days or simply put, its 102 days. Yayyyy !! I've hit a century !!! I should be happy, its my first century ever. Cricket mein to kabhi century maari nahi, blog pe hi sahi ! Well, don't worry, this is probably my first and last century ever !

Of late, I've been listening to a lot of complaints about myself. If I were in school, I could've been thrown out of the school considering the number of complaints I'm getting ! And being a true Indian by heart, we don't accept complaints against us that easily. We have excuses for almost everything ! Even if someone complains about Team India's poor performance down under, a true Indian fan would have something to blame on - the one less ball that wasn't bowled in the tied match against Sri Lanka. :P

Coming back from the larger perspective to a relatively smaller one, I'm gonna enlist a few of the complaints that people make against me, and the excuses that I give, and some more mirrch masaala. :P

Don't worry,  I won't enlist all of them in the post, nahi to jitne bache khuche readers hai wo bhi padhna chhod denge !

Complaint :

Aaj kal message nahi karta. Pehle to roz subah tera message aa jaata tha. Ab kya ho gaya hai?

Excuse :

Arre yaar, I've stopped messaging everyone ever since I lost my Nokia E63 (more than a year ago, on the onset of 2011 !). Us phone mein mera saara message ka collection chala gaya. And then I took HTC Wildfire. The phone is good, but its really a pain to send group messages in that phone.

And More :

The account that I gave is totally true. And this is one of the genuine reasons that I have stopped sending SMSes to everyone. Other genuine reasons not to be disclosed. ;)

Complaint :

Oye... tu blog likhta tha naa.... Kaafi din se tere updates nahi aa rahe hain... All well naa?

Excuse :

Ya... Of course, all is well. Blog to mera abhi bhi hai, but us pe post karne ka time nahi milta. Jab se ye MBA start hua hai naa, bahut zyaada busy ho gaya hoon... saans lene ki bhi fursat badi mushkil se milti hai.

And More :

Somewhat true ! :P

Complaint : 

No tweets for so long ! Pehle to teri twitter updates se pareshaan ho jaate the.

Excuse : 

Ye hi soch ke maine twitter use karna band kar diya. Wo kya hai naa, mujh se tumhari takleef dekhi nahi gayi !

And More :

Dude, if you think you're sarcastic, think again ! Sarcasm mein main tumhaara BAAP hoon ! :P

Complaint :

Mota ho raha hai !

Excuse :

To us mein bhi takleef hai tumhe? Pehle patla tha to kehte the kitna patla hai, ab mota hua to kehte ho mota kyun hai !!!! Complain karna kab chhodoge?

And More :

Its true ! Main mota ho raha hoon !! :(

Complaint :

Tu kitna travel karta hai? Bore nahi ho jaata kya itna travel kar ke?? Kabhi Pune, kabhi Mumbai, kabhi Falna.... Ek jagah to tere pair tikte hi nahi hain... Bhatakti aatma hai kya?

Excuse :

I love to travel ! And ghar pe jaane mein main bilkul bhi bore nahi hota :) Well, you can call me a bhatakti aatma, but a nomad would be a better word ! :P

And More :

Contrary to the excuse that I present, I don't love travelling that much, but its the destination that excites me more. Ghar jaane ke liye to mujhe aadhi raat ko neend mein se jaga ke bhi bologe to bhi I'm ready !

Complaint :

Less Facebook, Even lesser blog posts, Almost nil tweets? Kitna badal gaya insaan....

Excuse :

Actually wo kya hai naa ke mujhe ab gyaan ki praapti ho gayi hai... Ye sab moh maaya hai ! Aur main in ka tyaag karne ki koshish kar raha hoon.

And More :

Told you, I'm Sarcasm ki dukaan ! :P

Well, these were just a few. Agar sab likhne baith jaaunga to shaam to idhar hi ho jaayegi. Plus I have a lot of other things in my priority list. :)

People will never stop complaining. You just have to be more creative in the excuses that you present. That's what I'm trying to do !

Such is life !

Jab We Met !

November 15, 2011.


Phew... What a morning it was !!!!


Was at my Mamaji's place since last two days. Actually, I was about to return to my PG yesterday, but due to the tiring outing at RutuGandh Resort, Panshet (near Pune), I couldn't. I stayed back and rested one more day. Woke up early morning today to catch a bus to Pimpri, where I am normally put. Reached the bus stop. Boarded the wrong bus. Alighted at Shivaji Nagar to catch another bus to Pimpri. And an unusual series of event occured.


Well... Yes, it was UNUSUAL ! The title of the post might give you a feeling that its gonna be a love story type post. But alas ! It wasn't... :P


I boarded the (correct) bus to my destination. The bus was relatively empty than the usual bus that I boarded. Ninety-nine percent of the girls here in Pune move around with their faces covered, irrespective of whether they look good or not. They cover their faces with just their eyes visible. Sometimes I wonder whether I am living in Pune of some part of Afghanistan under the rule of Taliban. Well, coming back from the world tour to Pune. In the bus, I spotted a few heads covered the way I mentioned above. I wasn't checking them out, I was just searching for a seat. I sat on one of the vacant seats.


The head on the seat in front of me was also covered in the same way. But there was something unusual in it. And yes, it was a guy. I thought he might be a patient, that is why he has put a robe on the face. But no, I was wrong. Within minutes I found out that he wasn't a GUY, but a GAY !


This is how JAB WE MET unfolds.... :P


In a short bus journey of about 25 minutes, he (or she) showed various mannerisms that confirmed everyone's doubt of him being a 'doubtful case'. There were people who were making fun of him. And I guess, even he was enjoying it.


In a few minutes, he turned around and saw me. The words that he uttered filled me with disgust. He said, "Hi sexy ! Looking very nice." He said this not in a low voice, but a voice audible well enough. I mumbled "What The EFFF !", but then I avoided him. He then turned to an uncle sitting besides me and said something in Marathi, which I could not understand.


By this time, all the seats were full, except the one next to him. So there wasn't any chance of changing the seat. I opted to listen to music with my headphones on, and avoid him or her or whatever it was !


More people were boarding the bus as it moved on. A lot of people were waving hands at him and talking to him. This made me think that he might be a regular in that bus. But it was an unusual experience. After a few stops, one more college going boy boarded the bus, and finding no other seat, sat on the seat next to him, not noticing him.


After he noticed who he was sitting with, he moved away from him, just sitting on one-fourth of the seat uncomfortably with at least a foot of gap between them.


I alighted at my destination after a few stops. And the bus was gone in a matter of few seconds.


Such is life !


PS: Although I don't have a problem with gays, but I feel disgusted when a guy calls me sexy and talks to me like this.

Love Breakups Zindagi ;)

No no no.... This is NOT a review of the movie Love Breakups Zindagi. Well... To tickle your funny bones, here's a hilarious letter from an ex-lover to his ex-flame. I got it as a forward. The original writer (as mentioned in the forward) is Mr Ramvilas Jangid. Full credits to him for such a funny creation.

Read it, and have a laugh. Here it is...

डियर डिम्पू,

तुम ने डेढ़ बरस तक जो मुझ से प्यार किया, उस का शुक्रिया. आशा है, पत्र मिलने तक तुम ने नया प्रेमी पकड़ लिया होगा. उस के साथ अब डेटिंग पर भी जा रही होगी. हर प्रेमी को बहुत स्ट्रगल करना पड़ता है. मैं भी स्ट्रगल कर रहा हूँ. प्यार के ढाई आखर कमबख्त बड़े मुश्किल से पकड़ में आते हैं. मैंने भी तुम्हे मिस करने के बाद मोहल्ले की ही शीनो पर लंगर डालना शुरू कर दिया है. प्रेम का मेरा यह चौथा प्रयास है. लेकिन इन प्रयासों ने मुझे एक सीख दी है. डिम्पू, तुम तो जानती हो कि प्रेम शुरू करते ही कमबख्त लव लैटर लिखने पड़ते हैं. पता है ना, मैंने तुम्हे कितने पत्र लिखे थे? पहले के दो प्रेम प्रकरणों मेंन भी लैटरबाज़ी करनी पड़ी थी. बड़ा झंझट है प्रेम मार्ग में. इसीलिए तुम मेरे समस्त प्रेम पत्र लौटा देना. तुम्हे लिखे उन प्रेम पत्रों पर सफेदा पोतकर डिम्पू की जगह शीनो लिख दूंगा. इस से मेरी म्हणत बच जायेगी. प्लीज़, मेरे प्रेम पत्र लौटा देना, क्योंकि उन की फोटो कॉपी भी मेरे पास नहीं है.

डिम्पू, तुम मेरा वह फोटो भी वापस कर देना. तुम तो जानती हो कि वही एकमात्र फोटो ऐसी है, जिस में मैं ठीक ठाक दिखता हूँ. बड़ी कीमती है. मेरे प्रेम पत्रों के साथ मेरी वह फोटो भी भेज देना, ताकि शीनो को भेज सकूं.

और हाँ, अपने प्यार काण्ड में डेढ़ वर्ष के दौरान मेरे द्वारा किये गए खर्च का हिसाब भेज रहा हूँ. आशा है, तुम शीघ्र ही इस खर्च का भुगतान कर भरपाई करा डौगी, ताकि तुम्हे भी नए प्यार के लिए मेरी ओर से एन.ओ.सी. जारी हो सके और मैं भी नए प्यार पर खर्च करना शुरू कर सकूं. हिसाब इस प्रकार है:

चाट पकौड़ी                      895 रुपये

कोल्ड ड्रिंक्स                   2938 रुपये

स्नैक्स                          5645 रुपये

जूस                              3845 रुपये

मोबाइल फ़ोन वार्ता           2546 रुपये

पेट्रोल खर्च                      4255 रुपये

गिफ्ट                            7850 रुपये

                              --------------------

सकल योग                    30708 रुपये

                              ==============

अक्षर में : रुपये तीस हज़ार सात सौ आठ मात्र.

कृपया ये रुपये मुझे शीघ्र भेजने कि कृपा करना, ताकि मैं अपनी शीनो के प्यार में इन रुपयों को कुरबान कर सकूं. और हाँ, यदि तुम्हारे पास मेरे द्वारा दिए गए गिफ्ट पड़े हों, तो उन्हें मैं आधी कीमत पर खरीदने के लिए तैयार हूँ. तुम उन का हिसाब बना कर मेरी मूल रकम में से काट कर पुराने गिफ्टों को भी भेज देना. इस पत्र के साथ तुम्हारे पूरे चार किलो तीन सौ ग्राम वजन के प्रेम पत्रों का पुलिंदा भी संलग्न है, ताकि तुम्हे भी प्रेम पत्र लिखने में फिर से परेशानी ना उठानी पड़े. तुम्हारी वह सुन्दर फोटो भी भेज रहा हूँ, जो तुम अपने नए प्रेमी झंडामल को दे सकती हो. तुम अपना हिसाब भी बता देना. वैसे तुम्हारा खर्च तो कुछ भी नहीं आया होगा. तुम हमेशा अपना पर्स भूल जाती थी. कमबख्त प्यार में लड़कों की ही जेब ढीली होती है. खैर, बीते प्रेम पर कैसा अफ़सोस, जब नया भी पधार चुका है. आशा है, तुम मेरा हिसाब जल्दी से जल्दी साफ़ कर के मुझे नए प्यार में कूदने में मदद दोगी. तुम्हे सातवाँ प्रेम मुबारक हो.

तुम्हारा छठा पूर्व प्रेमी,

मोती.

Hope you all had a great laugh ! :)

"Main Aur Meri Tanhaai" in the times of Economic Slowdown

Main aur meri tanhaai, 

Aksar yeh baatein karte hain. 

Tezi hoti toh aisa hota, 

Tezi hoti toh waisa hota. 

Hum yeh lete, hum woh lete. 

Hum is baat pe party lete, 

Hum us baat par treat dete. 

Main aur meri tanhai, 

Aksar yeh baatein karte hain. 

Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum... 

Yeh raat hai, ya mandi ka aanchal. 

Yeh mandi ka jhonka hai, ya kisi ne Sensex ko thoka hai. 

Yeh toofan ki hai awaaz, ya Broker-on ka rona hai. 

Yeh sochta hoon main kab se gumsum, 

Jab ki mujh ko bhi yeh khabar hai, ki tezi nahi hai kahin. 

Magar ye dil hai jo keh raha hai, tezi yahin hai, yahin kahin....

[ PS : Not my creation, got it as a forward ]

Rajinikanth Rocks ! - version 2.0

RAJINIKANTH is back... A few more reasons why Rajinikanth is undisputedly the number one !

1. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
2. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
3. The last digit of pi is Rajinikanth. He is the end of all things.
4. Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
5. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was the year Rajinikanth was born.
6. Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that's when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.
7. Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way.
8. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Rajinikanth.
9. Rajinikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.
10. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”.
11. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
12. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
13. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
14. The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.
15. Osama Bin Laden is hiding in Afghanistan not because of fear of America but because of fear of Rajinikanth (Actually Rajinikanth caught Osama twice but set him free because Rajinikanth hates America)
16. Rajinikanth taught Michael Jackson how to dance.
17. Pakistan attacked India 3 times.... Not because they wanted Kashmir but beacause they want Rajinikanth... (All the 3 times Rajinikanth alone saved India)
18. Bruce Lee and Mohammed Ali were champions in their sports because they never faced Rajinikanth.
19.  Second world war stopped because Rajinikanth threatened to step in and destroy all nations if they don't stop.
20. If a person says most destructive weapon in Nuclear Bomb it means he has never met Rajinikanth.

[ courtesy : Shashank Chorge ]

Rajinikanth ROCKS !

Rajinikanth is the great Indian super hero. For more details, just "google" him. Here are some glimpses of what this super hero can do. And YENNA RASCALLA, no one laughs while reading this. MIND IT !

1. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
2. There is no such thing as evolution, it's just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
3. Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
4. Rajinikanth can judge a book by it's cover.
5. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
6. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
7. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
8. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
9. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
10. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
11. Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
12. Rajinikanth doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
13. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
14. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
15. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
16. Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.
17. Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
18. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
19. Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.
20. Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.
21. Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
22. Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
23. Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
24. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajinikanth takes this a personal insult.
25. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
26. When Rajinikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
27. Rajinikanth can answer a missed call !!!
28. Rajinikanth can hit 16 runs in one ball.
29. Usain Bolt runs faster coz he is very afraid of Rajinikanth.
30. When anyone shoots on Rajinikanth, he can break the bullet by his blade.
31. Rajinikanth doesn't need a gun to shoot a bullet, he just throws it with his hand.
32. Rajinikanth can be the highest goal scorer at a football game being a goal keeper. He can score goals from goal kicks!
33. Rajinikanth can create typhoons with his legs.
34. Rajinikanth can stop a tsunami by just blowing it away by his mouth!
35. Rajinikanth can clap with one hand.
36. Rajinikanth can sleep with his eyes open !! 
37. Rajinikanth's hands are longer than law ! 
38. Rajinikanth never appeared for an exam. Exams disappeared with the fear of Rajinikanth.
39. When its pouring from the sky, its not heavy rains, its Rajinikanth crying when he's upset.
40. There are some things humans can't do. For everything else, there's Rajinikanth.

It happens only in India !

Yeah !! These glitches can happen only in Indian movies.... Have a look !

Baghban:

Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini are separated right after Holi remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera?). They are said to be separated for six months, i.e. From March to September. Within that six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which falls on February 14, and karva chauth, which is usually observed in October. There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September! 

Lagaan:

Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls. Maybe modern cricket learnt from the movie. 

Amar Akbar Anthony:

Three men donate blood at the same time to the same person. 

Awwal Number:

Dev Anand is an omnipotent genius -- former cricketer,captain, army chief, commissioner, you name it. And Aamir Khan carries a huge transistor in his pocket while batting!

Khalnayak:

The police tracks the villain from an MS Word Document screen! Something that office team will be interested in)

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha: Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi: Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America . Well, well, some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways. That Time Jet Airways wasn't an International Flight. Or else we say that Movie was Pre-launched?

Raja Hindustani:

Navneet Nishan has short hair before marriage. After tying the knot, she acquires waist-length hair overnight. What a hair-raising experience!

Raja:

Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri Dixit. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call an autofill!

Guddu:

Manisha Koirala and Shah Rukh Khan are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land on a glider. What a switch above sea level!

Tere Mere Sapne:

Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is carrying an electrical technology thesis by B L Theraja. What an electrifying interest!

Thats all for now !! Enlist some more if you can... :P

PS: To avoid non-posting and post frequency issues, I've merged Good For Nothin' and Crapologists... Now GFN will have blended posts !!

PS2: This post can be taken as a space filler !

A Testimonial... by Accident ;)

GUEST POST BY SHRUTI SOLANKI

---------------------------------------------

This is a piece of crap. Ironically though, it says a lot of nice things about dis stupid boy..:p AYM (Angry Young Man)... :p

There is this guy I know
who puts up a great show
Funny, witty and friendly is he
As patient as patient could be


Sometimes serious, most times fun
Everything is packed into one


He makes you smile in times of despair
Now that is a quality so rare
Ever ready with a helping hand
If you've fallen, he'll help you stand


He's rekindled imaginations almost fifty times now
And each time he made us go "Wow!"
May he always be there
to wash away the sorrow
And hey Mr.ANKIT RATHOD

u better pay me by tomorrow.:P 

(JUST KIDDING!!!)

Stupidity Unlimited

A very wise person has said

Stupidity has no limits. Intelligence has !

I guess this "wise" person had been "stupid" for some time and its his experience that's speaking ;)

There are some instances when even the wisest of the people ask you such a stupid questions that you feel like answering them in the weirdest way possible.  Everyone acts stupid at times. You, me, everyone ! In fact, these moments when recalled in future bring a smile on everyone's faces.

I am enlisting a few of such stupid questions that are asked in the most obvious situations along with their weird answers. Have a read and have a laugh ! 

SITUATION: At the movies, When you meet acquaintances / friends...

STUPID QUESTION: Hey, what are you doing here?

ANSWER: Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...!

SITUATION: In the bus, a heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

STUPID QUESTION: Sorry, did that hurt?

ANSWER: No, not at all... I’m on local anesthesia… Why don’t you try again?

SITUATION: At a funeral, one of the teary-eyed people ask…

STUPID QUESTION: Why? Why him, of all people??

ANSWER: Why? Would it rather have been you?

SITUATION: At a restaurant, when you ask the waiter...

STUPID QUESTION: Is the “Paneer Butter Masala” dish good??

ANSWER: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

SITUATION: At a family get-together, when some distant aunt meets you after years…

STUPID QUESTION: Munna / Chickoo / Bunty (or whatever your nickname is), you’ve become so big.

ANSWER: Well, you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

SITUATION: When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

STUPID QUESTION: Is the guy you’re marrying good?

ANSWER: No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout…. It’s just the money I'm marrying him for.

SITUATION: When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

STUPID QUESTION: Sorry. were you sleeping?

ANSWER: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping, you dumb witted moron?

SITUATION: When you see a friend / colleague with evidently shorter hair…

STUPID QUESTION: Hey have you had a haircut?

ANSWER: No, its autumn and I’m shedding…

SITUATION: At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

STUPID QUESTION: Tell me if it hurts...

ANSWER: No it won't. It will just bleed...

SITUATION: You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

STUPID QUESTION: Oh, so you smoke?

ANSWER: Gosh, it’s a miracle... it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames !!!

If there was a certificate like this for every stupid question asked, we would have lots of people boasting about the number of certificates they have ! Even I would have a few of these too... :D